"To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to keep your soul alive." Robert Louis Stevenson
"American gospel singer Mahalia Jackson once said that 'It is easy to be independent when you've got money. But to be independent when you haven't got a thing--that's the Lord's test.' The simpler we make our lives, the more abundant they become. There is no scarcity except in our souls." SBB
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." Melody Beattie
"There is an immediate emotional and psychological payoff to getting our houses in order. We might not be able to control what's happening externally in our lives burt we can learn to look to our own inner resources for a sense of comfort that nurtures and sustains...There is a Divine Order--a Sublime Order--inherent in the Universe. We can tap into this powerful source of creative energy when we are willing to gradually cultivate a sense of order as to how we conduct our daily affairs." SBB
I think it was for my birthday that Valerie gave me this book, Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Ban Breathnach. It has an entry for everyday of the year, and although it looked like it had a lot of good things in it, when I first received it it seemed like just another thing I would have to try and fit into my day, when I was already having enough trouble getting done the things that I really needed to do. So today, March 4, I was debating whether or not I should go straight to bed as it is a quarter to eleven and the baby's asleep and John's still at the library and heaven knows I could use more sleep, but despite the logic in that train of thought, the yearning to write won out and I found myself plugging in my laptop. Nearby was this book and I opened it and was slapped awake by it's glorious invitations to live abundantly. My heart melted a little as I read some of the markings made by my mother in law. I had found a treasure and she was sharing it with me.
I suppose the book itself isn't anything too fantastic, it isn't scripture, but its short literary devotionals and spiritual insights are like a breath of fresh air my soul has been aching for for a long time. Sweet water splashing my parched creative being.
So now it is my goal and my bane to write, to express myself, to lose myself and find myself, to improve and change. dc's daily dialogue.
This is a momentous day in my life. It is because I choose for it to be. I am tired of the old me and ready to let who I truly am, the me that has been squashed into the too tight fittings of an imitation me for too long, to stretch her wings and fly. I want to radiate heat and warmth and light. I want to shine.
What is it that has stimulated this desire in me? I know it's been festering for some time, oozing out here and there trying to break free and transform. I laid awake at nights while we were in Texas and felt desperate to begin to be the better version of myself. To love better, to be more to someone, to everyone, to be happier and healthier and whole. Maybe it's the longing for spring.
It snowed today.
It didn't stick.
I'm sure I'll see more snow yet, but it won't stick. I won't let it. I am spring. And it's going to be a hot summer.
I have so much to look forward to. There is so much to be doing. And so many reasons to enjoy myself and spread sunshine. Katelyn is beautiful. How can I possibly have a bad day when I spend my time with such a joyful, intelligent, radiant little person? And I'm married. Not just married, I'm happily and hopefully and helpfully married. I waited a long time to find mister right and now I get to put my arms around him every day. Every day! Each day starts with the sounds of my daughter from her crib and ends with kisses goodnight from my husband who loves me. Even if those were the only good things in the day, they should be more than enough to keep me humming. I want to be such a good mom. I want to have confidence and order and structure like Sarah. I want to have the patience of my mother. I want to teach like mom Tyler. I want to be smart and keep learning new things that I can share with those around me like my dad. I want to love being a parent like dad Tyler. I want to keep my lamp full and my faith bright.
I don't want to worry about finances, but I want to do my part to live abundantly but smart. I want to hone my skills of money management. I want to make do or do without. I want to enjoy it.
I want to make my husband happy. I want our home to be his resort. I want him to want to run into my arms when he walks through the front door. I want us to have dreams that we work together to make come true. I want to get butterflies when I think about him in the middle of the day. I want him to want to call me when he has a minute so we can have a quick carefree chat before it's back to work. I want romance and family meals and family prayers and knowing smiles. It's all there, I just have to make room for it all. I can't let frustration win me over. Gratitude and joy.
Exercise will happen. Healthy eating. Lots of calcium...
Play the piano. Speak Spanish. Memorize scriptures. Read. Write. Don't sit down. Be doing.
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